Featherstitch | Checklist

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Notify authorities

If the death occured in a hospital or under hospice care, the staff there will notify authorities and you can check this off your list.

If your loved one died outside of a hospital or hospice care, a family member or friend will need to notify authorities. Just call 911. That allows for formal reporting of the death, issuing of the death certificate, and investigation when the circumstances are anything other than natural causes.

Here’s what to say, depending on if the passing was:

Natural and expected

The death occurred of natural causes like age or disease

What to say

“Hello I am calling to report a death. The deceased person’s name is <name>, and the death is from <cause>.”

Be prepared to give the address of the death, and whether your loved one had been sick. Gather any advance medical directives or “do not resuscitate” orders.

Natural and unexpected

The death was probably due to age or disease but was sudden

What to say

“Hello I am calling to report a death. The deceased person’s name is <name>, and the address is <where the death occurred>.”

Explain anything you may know about the deceased person's recent medical history, and have any advance medical directives available when medical personnel arrive.

Unnatural

The death was due to an acccident or suicide

What to say

“Hello I am calling to report a death. The deceased person’s name is <name>, and the address is <where the death occured>.”

Do not disturb the immediate surroundings. Be sure to stay on the line and take direction from police and medical personnel as they arrive.

What to do if someone dies at home

Tell family and close friends

Make a list of the people who should be called right now—and enlist their help in spreading the word to others. Start with closest relatives and friends, before anyone posts the news to social media. If your loved one had a Facebook account, you may look into having his or her profile turned into a living memorial.

Family & close friends

Your loved one's closest family and friends deserve personal phone calls as quickly as possible.

What to say

“This is <name>, <deceased’s> son/daughter/relationship. I’m so sorry to tell you that <deceased> passed away on <day>. We’re still working on the arrangements, but wanted to let you know as soon as possible.”

Have the hardest conversations first, as these calls will be the most draining. The good news is that this group can help you plan the funeral and spread the news.

Distant relatives and friends

This group can be notified by email or text message. Post on social media after this group has advance notice.

What to write

“I’m writing to let you know the sad news that <deceased> passed away. We’re sorry that we can’t call all of you personally, but wanted to let you know directly before we publish the obituary or post to social media.”

If you know when services will be held, feel free to mention that as well. If services are private, simply say the ceremony is for immediate family only.

Everyone else

Anyone other than family, close friends, and business partners can be notified using social media and an obituary.

What to post to social media

“We’re sad to report that <deceased> passed away on <day>. Services will be held on <day>, and you can read more at <obituary link>.”

Social media—along with digital and print obituaries—help to widely share the news of your loved one's passing. Posts should wait until you've informed family and friends, and until you have a sense of when services will be held.

How to Let Others Know of a Death

Define the budget

Funerals are expensive and the pricing can be hard to understand. We can help you make sense of it all and show you how you can save money. Visit the Budget section to learn more about funeral pricing, including how hidden costs can drive the price up and the difference in costs between burial and cremation. Use our tips below to see how you can save money.

Set a budget

Setting a budget can help guide you through the process and avoid emotional overspending

What to do

Decide how much you can spend
Learn about hidden costs and fees
Don’t share your budget with the funeral home up front
Bring a trusted friend with you when making decisions

Save at the funeral home

Pricing for the same services can vary by thousands of dollars at funeral homes in the same area

How to save

Ask funeral homes for a copy of their General Price List (GPL)
Get detailed quotes from more than one funeral home
Be specific about the services you want
Watch out for packages that include items you don’t want or need

Save on services

The number of services you hold and when or where they take place will affect the bottom line

How to save

Hold services on the same day
Have services during business hours
Hold some or all services at a private home, religious space, or other venue
Opting for closed casket services can save on embalming and other prep

Supply your own goods

You don’t have to purchase necessary items (like a casket or urn) through the funeral home

How to save

Purchase the casket, urn, or other containers outside the funeral home
Use an “alternative container” instead of a casket for cremation
Supply your own flowers
Create your own memorial items or thank-you cards

Find assistance

You may be eligible for financial assistance from the government or other organizations

What to do

Learn about benefits for Veterans - including military funeral honors and memorial items (headstone, flag, etc.)
Find out if you’re eligible to receive a Veterans burial allowance
Ask your religious organization if they help with burial costs
Crowdfund to help with costs

Explore alternative options

Opting to not include formal services or using alternative options can be more economical

How to save

Opt for an environmentally-friendly green burial
Consider anatomical body donation, where the remains are either cremated or buried after the donation process
Avoid many of the costs of a traditional funeral by choosing direct cremation or immediate burial (with no services)

How can you remember your loved one inexpensively?

Select a funeral home

Choosing a funeral home is one of the most critical decisions you’ll make. You can search for providers who specialize in services that are important to you, or click "See more funeral homes" to see all listings in your area.

Already working with a funeral home? Search for your funeral home below, or enter it manually here.

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1

Bundy-Law Funeral Home

93% Positive

(740) 432-5705

120 N 11th St

Cambridge, OH 43725

2

Thorn-Black Funeral Homes, Inc.

100% Positive

(740) 439-1365

139 S 9th St

Cambridge, OH 43725

3

Black-Epperson Funeral Home

84% Positive

(740) 685-2525

231 Main St

Byesville, OH 43723

See More Funeral Homes

How to choose a funeral home

Contact the religious leader or house of worship

Funeral traditions vary widely between religions and denominations—even within families. Think about how your loved one’s spiritual beliefs should be reflected in the services that honor their life.

Their house of worship

If your loved one regularly attended a specific house of worship, you should contact them as soon as possible—ideally during their final illness or decline.

If they didn’t attend a specific church, did they belong to a particular denomination or faith tradition? If so, contact a nearby branch of that denomination. Ministers can provide comfort, and begin to discuss memorial plans with you.

Or plan your own service

If your loved one didn’t attend a particular house of worship, you can plan your own celebrations, adopting whatever spiritual elements fit. Traditions vary widely—meaning they can be adapted. Think about whether you want readings, religious music, remembrances, or formal eulogies.

You can also choose to have a religious leader preside over the services—or many funeral directors have specific training in leading funerals and other memorials.

Overview of religious funeral traditions

Contact the priest or parish

The first step in managing the religious aspects of funeral services is connecting with the priest or church your loved one attended.

Last rites

Contact your loved one’s Catholic parish as early as possible—as their health begins to decline, or before a risky surgery, for example. The church has a series of sacraments for the sick and dying, culminating in a final celebration of the communion, often referred to as the last rites). If death occurs suddenly, contact the church as soon as practical to begin the funeral planning process and prayers for the dead.

If death occurs suddenly, contact the church as soon as practical to begin the funeral planning process and prayers for the dead.

If your loved one died before last rites

The last rites are primarily about providing comfort to the sick and dying—“the Holy Spirit's gift of peace and courage,” as the U.S. Catholic Conference of Bishops says. As such, those rites cannot be performed after someone has passed away. But other prayers are invoked for the dead—and the church can work with you to plan other memorial events.

If you don’t know your loved one’s parish

If you don’t know your loved one’s parish —or they didn’t attend a particular church —you can contact any nearby Catholic church or the local diocese.

Talk with them about your loved one’s relationship with Catholicism and Catholic funeral rites. The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has a diocesan directory.

Overview of religious funeral traditions

Contact the rabbi or temple

Getting in touch with religious leaders quickly is vital. Jewish traditions call for burials to happen quickly—historically, the same day as the death (today, that’s often interpreted as within 24 hours). Embalming and cremation are generally forbidden (although some Reformed communities are accepting of cremation).

Most Jewish temples have groups of volunteers to assist families with memorial arrangements, including preparation of the body. Jewish rites also focus on simplicity—plain wooden caskets, for example, to allow decomposition of the body, the “dust to dust” return referred to in Genesis.

Overview of religious funeral traditions

Arrange for religious service

Because of the tradition of burying the remains as quickly as possible, there’s generally no pre-funeral visitation, and services are typically scheduled for the day after death.

Jewish funeral rites call for a rabbi to lead mourners in prayers; the religious service can be held at a temple, a funeral home or graveside. Eulogies, or hesped, are appropriate. But Jewish traditions generally frown upon flowers. Instead, charitable donations in the name of the deceased are preferred. A rabbi or a funeral home specializing in Jewish services can help you with planning.

Plan the wake/visitation

The vigil—also known as a wake or visitation—is a gathering before the funeral Mass. It’s typically held the day before (or the day of) the funeral. It’s usually the first chance for family and friends to gather for support and to remember the departed. This service (not the formal Mass) is the preferred time to offer eulogies. The vigil can be held at the parish, a funeral home, family home or other location. While less formal than the funeral Mass, prayers and Scripture readings are typically offered by a priest (or by a deacon or lay leader if no priest is available).

Plan the viewing/visitation

Visitations—sometimes known as wakes, or “viewing” if the casket is open—offer family and friends the opportunity to gather before the funeral service to grieve, reminisce and offer support. Some things to consider:

Where should you hold it? Visitations are frequently held at a funeral home or house of worship—but you can also do it at a home or anyplace convenient.
The agenda: Would you prefer that mourners simply mingle and talk with each other? Or do you want to plan remarks, prayers, eulogies or other remembrances?
Photos and videos: Do you want to display pictures of your loved one’s life, or perhaps a video tribute? Consider how you’ll get those assembled and presented.

Coordinate the funeral mass

The Mass of Christian Burial, as it's formally known, is a full Mass, including Scripture readings, a brief homily and communion, officiated by a priest. Because the Mass is intended to focus on eternal life, not the earthly experience, eulogies are generally not included. (They’re appropriate at the vigil or committal services.)

Among the elements you should discuss with church leaders: music selections and Scripture readings; availability of pallbearers; and scheduling of the Mass in relation to the visitation and final committal services.

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Schedule the funeral or memorial service

The funeral, memorial service or celebration of life—any formal commemoration of your loved one's life—requires thoughtful planning. You’ll want to strike the right balance between solemnity and celebrating your loved one’s uniqueness—and that balance will depend on your loved one, your family, and other circumstances.

Discuss and decide:

Who should preside over the service? Depending on your preference, this could be a religious leader, a dear friend, or even the funeral director.
Should it feature readings? Consider poems, sacred texts or other words of comfort and wisdom.
What music, if any, would you like? Do certain songs evoke memories of your loved one, or reflect their spiritual and religious beliefs?
Do you want any slide show or video tribute to be shown? If so, who will produce it—gathering the material and editing it together?
Do you need pallbearers? Family and friends are usually named to help move the casket from the funeral location to its final resting place. It’s physical work—but also considered a honor for relatives or close friends. Consider the six to eight people you’d like to include. (If you don’t have enough, your funeral home can likely assist.)

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Plan the graveside service

After the religious services, family and close friends will gather graveside for a final burial rite. In keeping with the emphasis on simplicity, this service is typically brief. After prayers and a few words for the departed, the casket is interred, and mourners close the service by placing dirt atop the casket.

Coordinate interment or graveside service

A graveside service—or similar service at a mausoleum or columbarium to inter cremated remains—offers a final chance to honor a loved one. They’re typically brief.

Religious services will typically include a final prayer; non-religious services may feature a moment of silent reflection or other commemoration before interment.

Key decisions:

Who will preside? A religious leader? Funeral director? Or someone else?
Will you need pallbearers? Who will help move the remains to the final resting place?
Do you want to offer a reading or other words of comfort? Decide what will be said and who will offer it.

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Arrange virtual service

Even before the global pandemic, many families were opting to offer livestreams (or even recordings) of the services to allow participation by people who couldn't attend in person. Restrictions on crowd sizes during the pandemic have only accelerated this trend. Many funeral homes and houses of worship now offer livestreaming or recording capabilities; you can also hire independent services, or even designate a friend or relative to stream the service from their phone. Read through our advice for pros and cons to these approaches.

Choose a service provider

First, decide whether to use a service provided by your funeral director, or whether to manage the stream yourself via Facebook, Zoom or some other streaming tool.

Ask for help

If you’re using a DIY approach, appoint one or two people to help—ideally one to operate the camera (even if it’s just a mobile phone), the second to manage and monitor the stream.

Consider music options

Keep in mind that some tools will mute the sound of the stream if they detect the use of pre-recorded music. (The services don’t want to be liable for violating recording artists’ copyrights.) Do you have a friend or family member who plays an instrument or sings? Ask them if they’d be willing to lend their talent for the service.

Concluding the service

Consider a virtual “receiving line” that gives viewers the opportunity to express their condolences. Also keep in mind that you can always hold a larger in-person event once it becomes safe to do so—perhaps in conjunction with a meaningful date like a birthday or the anniversary of the death.

Practical tips for live streaming a funeral

Confirm military service details

The Veterans Administration provides military honors—an honor guard, taps and an American flag—to military veterans who served on active duty and received anything better than a dishonorable discharge.

Eligible veterans can also receive a burial plot in a Veterans Cemetery, or can opt for a small cash payment to partially cover burial at a private cemetery. Make sure you have the deceased’s discharge papers (known as the DD-214 form). Your funeral director can discuss eligibility with you—or you can review the Veterans' Administration guidelines.

Plan for shiva or a post-burial reception

An important component of Jewish rites is honoring the departed and comforting the family. Sitting shiva is usually a time reserved for family and friends to gather in one place (usually the family home), so choosing the location should be your first step. The purpose is for the family to mourn—without entertainment or other distractions—while receiving the love and support of family and friends.

Shiva traditionally lasts seven days (although some Reform Jews shorten that period to three or even one day). Since the focus is allowing the family to mourn, one person often serves as a sort of coordinator to ensure the family’s needs are met during Shiva. Visitors will often bring food to relieve the family of worrying about such mundane matters.

Plan the yahrzeit

The yarhzeit—or one-year anniversary of the death—is treated as a day of remembrance in the Jewish tradition. Families often choose to unveil the grave marker on this date. Other rites on this day include reciting Kaddish, or prayers for the departed, and lighting a ceremonial candle. It's not too soon to begin planning this commemoration. Start by determining the date (traditionally observed according to the Hebrew, not Georgian, calendar).

Rite of Committal or graveside service

The last major rite in a Catholic memorial sequence is the Rite of Committal—the service at the gravesite or interment location. It includes prayers, blessing of the resting place by a priest or deacon, and can include brief eulogies or remembrances of the departed.

You’ll need to arrange the timing of the service, decide on any eulogy or remembrance, and select pallbearers.

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Plan reception for after the funeral

Regardless of the formality or type of memorial service, one thing is common across cultures and religious traditions: When the formal rites are over, family and friends gather to remember, mourn, and grieve.

Location

Where do you want to gather? You might host a reception in a space at your house of worship or funeral home; at a restaurant or reception hall; or at a home. Consider the number of people who are likely to attend and the tone you want to set (an informal celebration of your loved one’s life? Or somber and mournful?).

Food

Bonding over a meal is a time-honored way to mourn. Sending gifts of food is a way for friends and distant family to support the immediate family—relieving them the burden of cooking at an emotional time. Some receptions, especially held at a private home, might be organized as a potluck. Others (especially at reception halls) might be fully catered. Decide what best fits your circumstances.

Other elements

Do you want the reception to be informal—a chance for people to mingle, reminisce and offer condolences? Do you want to give people the opportunity to speak to the entire group? Show a video tribute or slideshow? What about music? Receptions are less regimented than funeral services—so you can structure them to best honor and mourn your loved one.

Set up memorial charity or donations

Did your loved one have a charitable cause that was dear to them? You may want to suggest that mourners consider a donation in his or her name to a particular charity (or more generally to a cause). Often this suggestion is made in an obituary with wording such as “In lieu of flowers, the family requests memorials be made to …”

Book venues and catering

You may wish to hold a memorial event somewhere other than a church, house of worship or funeral home. Post-funeral receptions often are held at a private home, or event hall; less-formal "celebrations of life" can be held almost anywhere.

A step-by-step guide for celebrations of life

Write and publish an obituary

A written obituary - published online, in the local newspaper and shared on social media - is still the most effective way to spread the world of your loved one’s passing. It also serves as a lasting memorial and keepsake.

Writing a Memorable Obituary

How to let others know of a death

Purchase flowers and decorations

Decide whether you want to have flowers at services. They offer vivid reminders of how many people cared for your loved one—but some people would prefer those resources be put towards something more permanent, such as charitable donations. Your funeral director can help you find a florist and produce printed programs—but remember that you may be able to save money by shopping for those purchases on your own.

Save money by comparison shopping

Coming soon to Featherstitch: Order flowers directly

Soon you’ll be able to order flowers from the Featherstitch site—we’ll connect you with florists to make it easier to buy flowers to honor your loved one.

Organize transportation and housing for guests

Who’s staying where? If many people are coming from out of town to attend the memorial events, it’s useful to keep a list of where everyone is staying, who has rental cars (versus those who will need rides) and the like. A simple list or spreadsheet can work wonders.

Coming soon to Featherstitch: Book hotels directly

Soon you’ll be able to book hotels from the Featherstitch site—we’ll connect you with local hotels to make it easier to book online.

Consider grief counseling

For many people, the myriad memorial arrangements can keep them from realizing the enormity of their loss until after the funeral. When all the events are done and the friends have returned home, take a moment to consider your feelings. Seek out support groups and other kinds of grief counseling.

How to find the right support group for you

Add Provider Information

Start Planning a Memorial

Checklist

Budget

Natural and expected

What to say

Natural and unexpected

What to say

Unnatural

What to say

Family & close friends

What to say

Distant relatives and friends

What to write

Everyone else

What to post to social media

Set a budget

What to do

Save at the funeral home

How to save

Save on services

How to save

Supply your own goods

How to save

Find assistance

What to do

Explore alternative options

How to save

Their house of worship

Or plan your own service

Last rites

If your loved one died before last rites

If you don’t know your loved one’s parish

Choose a service provider

Ask for help

Consider music options

Concluding the service

Location

Food

Other elements