Four communication steps after a death

There’s shock and grief following the death of a loved one, and it may be a challenge to put together a plan for who to tell and what discussions you need to have. Here are four steps to ease the process.

Step 1: Create a notification plan

The person you have lost has friends, family, neighbors, and a circle of work and community who want to learn of his or her passing. There are some you may wish to call and others who can be emailed. Social media can be a useful tool - but make sure close family and friends are notified first, and social posts should be handled with grace. Here are several tips on how to notify people of the death.

There’s also the matter of creating an obituary. Make sure the details are correct and encourage input from those who know the most accurate details. Another necessary task is having someone review an obituary before it is sent off. The correct spelling of survivors and details about the deceased's life events are very important.

Step 2:  Delegate tasks if asked

When people learn of this sad news, people want to know what they can do to help and what arrangements are being made. You probably don’t have all of those answers yet, so if people offer to assist in some needed way, a plan on how to communicate those things is important. Perhaps a friend can help with ordering catering for the celebration event, or a relative can coordinate transportation, or a church volunteer will assist with alerting clergy. Embrace help and delegate where possible to trusted and responsible individuals. Don’t feel compelled to handle all the details by yourself during this emotionally draining time.

Step 3: Have a conversation about funeral arrangements

Share the wishes of the person who passed. According to AARP, if there are arrangements that were planned, the family should respect them. When considering funeral preparations, AARP suggests assembling close family members for an early conversation. It is an important balance to consider what the person wished with a realistic budget that is available.

"Ultimately, people need to follow their heart, mind and gut about making these decisions," Patrick Lynch, past president of the National Funeral Directors Association and co-owner of Lynch and Sons Funeral Directors in Michigan told AARP. "You have to know what will make your heart heal as best as it can."

Step 4: Have a preliminary discussion with the funeral director

Instructions may have been decided, but if they are not, a discussion with a professional can make early decisions easier. A funeral director can tell you what help is needed at the funeral like pallbearers, a host site, or items for the funeral service like photos. The funeral home will also be able to assist with the obituary if the family is too grief-stricken to do so.  Newspapers and websites may have submission requirements and costs, so make sure that details in that regard are addressed.